Episode: 2. Freaky Talez (pt. 2)

So this is a pretty tight spot. I really didn’t know what to do. “Hey, where yo restroom at?” I asked. “Right there” she pointed. I got up out of her grasp and went into the restroom. When I got inside, I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. It felt really good to have an older woman all over me like Paige was. Even, though she wasn’t the best looking taco shell in the stack it was certainly an ego boost. I still wanted no part of Paige so I stayed in the bathroom.

Finally, my uncle and his woman come out of the bedroom disheveled. I waited an extra minute and exited the bathroom. He was already out the door when I hit the hallway and I literally sprinted after him. When we got downstairs I asked him why he left me. “You can handle yourself right? You’re 16. Your little girlfriend was too much for you?” “Paige is not my girlfriend!!!!” I replied. “She’s not my type” “Nigga, Pussy is pussy! Don’t be so picky” he replied. I disagreed whole heartedly. That’s like saying food is food. A hamburger from Burger King is not the same Hamburger from FATBURGER. After debating him for another 15 minutes, we dropped it. We headed over to another female’s house.

My uncle was notorious for dating very petite women. When I questioned him about this he provided me with a very interesting theory. “Thick girls get fat later, skinny girls get thick later” I have seen this theory proven before my eyes for the last 8 years, so I am a witness to the truth in this theory. To be politically correct here, I’m sure if one maintains themselves appropriately this theory can be disproven. Those are words straight from his mouth.

We drove to Compton next and stopped by a big yellow and white house at the end of a cul-de-sac. This looked like a really rough part of town. His girlfriend met us at the door. We didn’t even have to knock. She was very friendly and very petite indeed. Anyway, she had made chicken and homemade fries for us. This was perfect timing after all that driving and hiding from ugly girls. She was an excellent cook. The food was glorious. I noticed this woman was really fragile. She had a funny girlish giggle. I think she felt safe with my uncle. I could tell by the way hey held her and how she would sink in his arms. There was more to this woman than her culinary prowess. Next thing I know, the phone rings. She answered the phone with her soft girly voice. I could hear yelling on the other side. It was her brother and he was a blood. He knew my uncle was there and yelled at her because she let him in. I began to worry a little when he started calling and asking to speak to the “rickett”. They went back and forth dissing each other when I heard “I’m on my way!” on the other side of the phone. I was ready to go. However my uncle was ready for battle. I began to wish I was back at my grandmother’s house listening to my R&B music. I would have been much better off there. “Come on BJ!” I’m thinking what does he want me to fight with him? I guess the mature adult woke up inside of him and realized that this was a stupid situation. We got in the car and left before anyone got there.

The ride home was quiet. I think both of us were fatigued mentally and physically. When we got to his house, it was very cold inside. He turned on his super powered heater and the house quickly became a tolerable toaster oven. He took out my blankets and threw them on his leather couch. I went into the restroom to change into my shorts and shirt. I poured myself a nice big cup of water and sat it next to the couch where I was going to sleep. My uncle came back into the room where I was sleeping and put a black box on top of the TV. “Hooters is on channel 78.”

Episode 2: Freaky Talez

It was a cool winter evening in Pomona. I was at my grandmother's house for a week on winter vacation in high school. I was just trying to relax because football season had just ended. Christmas came and went. My brother and cousin were there as well. They were about 10 and 11 years old at the time so they kept each other company. I had gotten a Discman for christmas along with the "Next Friday" Soundtrack so I kept to myself on that night. Sometimes if there was a girl I really liked in school, I'd cut all the lights off and listen to my favorite R&B songs. I'd envision how I would approach her and how things would be if we were together. This night was no exception. "I don't wanna" by Aaliyah was the track i was listening to. Then my grand mother comes in and says "BJ telephone!!!!". What? But i don't live here? What in the hell am I doing getting a phone call at 8 at night at a house i hardly visit? This must be my cousin Joy! Her light skinned homegirl i saw at church earlier probably thought i was cute and wanted to holler? Man, i hope this is not Johnetta calling just to talk! I take the phone from my grandmother. "Hello?" "What up cuh?" It's my Uncle on the phone (see Episode 1). This is even better than the light skinned girl calling. He asked me what I was doing and if I wanted to go hang out with him that night. You know i was all over that. I accepted. He didn't even tell me where we were going but i knew where ever he was taking me, I'd have fun.

Now this was in 1998 I'd like to say, so he had upgraded his 1970 something Chevy Nova to a Jeep Grand Cherokee. As always he had the music blasting. I was ready for a fun night of the unknown. So I get in a we start driving. I had brought some extra clothes because I was going to be spending the night afterward. This was now an ULTRA fun night of the unknown. He asked me where I wanted to go. I had no clue since i wasn't familiar with the area. He suggested we could go play some video games. I was down with that. So we pull up to Dave and Buster's in Ontario. This was the first time i had ever been to Dave and Buster's plus at the time after 9pm they kicked all the kids out and served alcohol. It was like 9:15pm so i wasn't expecting them to let us through. I was wrong. I guess I looked older that night. I had no problems. They sat us at a table and we ordered some chicken wings, french fries, and root beer. Typical grown man meal. While waiting for our food, we start checking out the ladies. (insert "Watching you" by Slave). We see two fine ebony ladies acting like they knew how to play street fighter on one of the arcade machines. My uncle asked me, "Which one you want?". I said. "huh?" "Which one do you want?" I was still confused but i answered him. "The light skinned one". "Nuh-uh, that's my girlfriend" he replied. He told me that he was going to go over there and bring them to our table. I was in shock. You're gonna bring them here? Right now? For what? I stopped and remained silent. Inside I was nervous because I was no casanova with the ladies. If he brought them over here I would have no clue what to say. Before I could express any of that, he was already up walking to them. It was time to man up. I started thinking, "Hey what the hell. I'm 16 years old, it's Christmas break, and I'm hanging out with the coolest man on earth." Let the games begin. "Awww, sh*t! Here they come!" I popped in a piece of winter fresh real quick. You cannot have stinky breath when hollerin' at females. So as he promised, my uncle took the light skinned one and I had the other one. She was a nice brown skinned honey whose name I'll never forget. Charity. She had short black hair and a round symmetrical face. A cutie none the less. I don't know what happened to me but after "Hello" and all the introductions I couldn't speak anymore. I didn't have anything to talk about. On the other had, my uncle was on a roll. His girl was laughing and everything. He eventually just ended up entertaining them both while i was sitting there quiet.

After a while we decided to leave Dave and Buster's. My uncle snagged his light skin honey while i snagged my shirt on the door on the way out. The ladies went on their way separately. I later found out from my uncle that "Charity" actually thought I was cute but I was just really quiet. I was kicking myself afterwards. I got "Carpe Diem" tattooed on my left arm as a reminder to never let an opportunity pass you by. Seize the day. As for the light skinned lady, she currently has 2 kids by my uncle that no one ever sees.

So it's a little later now but our night was not finished. My uncle asked me what i wanted to do next. I had no idea. "Go home?" I suggested? "Do you still have free cable?" I continued. "You just want to go to my house to watch hooters." He replied. (I still laugh every time I remember him saying that). That wasn't the case. It was already late so i figured what else could we do. "Well we could go get you some pu**y?" He said. I really couldn't believe he said that. I said no because paying for something I can get for free (eventually) is not my thing. "Pay?" he said. "You ain't gotta pay for sh*t. Just ride with me over here then. After that well go to the house."
So there we were on the 10 freeway going god knows where. I noticed that we were traveling west though. Turns out he had to pick up his Christmas gift from one of his females in Long Beach. Even though it was a nice little drive, I didn't mind. I put in the new DJ Clue CD and just chilled. While we were driving we started to talk about women and relationships. Some of the things he told me i didn't agree with at all and it was mainly because I hadn't had a Girlfriend yet so I couldn't relate. Later in life, 90% of the things he told me in that car ended up coming to pass.

Finally, we make it to Long Beach. I knew what hood we were in. It looked like a pretty rough area and i was tired from the trip. But not a creature was stirring not even a crip. (No one was outside). We go into an apartment building. I'm thinking to myself, "Man, this is a pretty wild night." Having a good time none the less. So we get to the door and we knock. She answers and they embrace. He introduces me to his girlfriend and her ugly friend Paige inside. His girlfriend was very nice with a cute face. She also had a considerable amount of heft on her backside. I applauded him for his selection. I noticed she had on the California vs. Texas high school football game on TV from the previous year. I'm sure it was a coincidence but I sat and watched while my uncle waited for his gift. She comes out with a large blue and gold FUBU jacket that he just adored. Im sure it was only because of the colors. I guess when you stop gang banging, you still have pride some type of pride. He takes her in the bedroom and tells me he'll be right back. I knew what was about to go down but I didn't care. I was enjoying myself plain and simple. Everything was cool until her friend Paige started to make conversation. Oh....lord. "Please stop talking to me." I thought. All I did was patronize her all night. "Oh serious?", "For real?", "Dang", "That's messed up" "That's crazy". But she took this like I was really participating. She offered me a drink. I said "Yea, I'll take root beer if you got it." "Root beer?" she replied. "We don't have no root beer white boy". So black people don't drink root beer? There are plenty of black people that love root beer. She gave be a can of Black Cherry soda. Delicious but was this some kind of gesture? I wasn't sure until she plopped next to me. "Awww hell naww!" I thought. I was thinking about why my uncle was taking so long to come back out. Until I heard it. "ugghhh yea!". That's not what i think it is. "Ohhh damn!" someone screamed. Yes, they were doing what I figured they were. My uncle was in there smashing while I'm here with Craig Mack's sister. Who looked like she had a new found energy. I think the noises turned her on. Lord help me....(to be continued)

The Candy House

You know you remember it. Everyone knew about it. Your auntie would send you there to buy her a pickle and some nowlaters (now and laters). Yes, the candy house in all its inconsistent hours of operation, non-tax paying goodness. There was no EBT back then so it was cash only and you better believe they accepted food stamps. When I was going to Emerson elementary, I remember the candy house being on the southwest corner of Chester Avenue right across the street from south park. I think there was another one on pearl but I can vaguely remember that one. No one really knew when they were open unless you saw a line of kids standing outside the house. You could always count on their rock bottom prices. You could actually walk in with a quarter and come out with a handle full of stuff.

I don’t remember there being a candy house when I lived on Cliveden. That was really just where I laid my head. All of my good friends were on Pearl by my school. I remember the candy house always being open on Friday’s only. I and my comrade Walter would get out of school and see the long line damn there wrapped around the block. We would immediately run home to get money from our grand mothers. “A buck’ll do ya.” A dollar was more than enough at the candy house. We’d meet back up and ran back to go stand in line. We’d usually go stand next to our friends ahead of us in line a la “chat n’ cut”. Yes, Larry David did not invent the “chat n’ cut”. The line did move slow because the candy house had a wide selection. They only let two kids in at a time. It was usually an adult or two waiting inside to serve you. When you got in all the candy was there for you to select from. You had to tell the adult what you wanted and they would get it for you. I’m sure this was to keep our busy little hands off their merchandise. The prices were too cheap for anyone to want to steal anyway. There was also respect for the folks who ran the candy houses. Why would you want to steal from someone who not only lived in the neighborhood but brought a little bit of happiness to it?

There was so much selection; you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. Even though you had a dollar, you still needed to manage it well. Unless you were one of those kids whose grandparents slid them a five. Then you had no worries. They would usually come out with a brown paper bag full of stuff. Punks! Any who. You worked with whatever you had. I’d usually get myself a snicker and some nowlaters. I never really liked much else. I wasn’t really a “candy kid”.

It was always a good time for all when the candy house was open. Whether you were just buying something for yourself or taking orders from everyone in your house, all appreciated the candy house. I always respected the homeowner’s entrepanuerial spirit. I don’t know if they still have candy houses anymore. I remember there being one year ago when we moved to Gardena but it was only open one weekend. I never heard of folks in LA having candy houses. Maybe it was just a Compton thing.

School Yard Gladiators

September 26, 2011

School Yard Gladiators

You can’t be a punk as a young man in Compton. When you get tested, you have to defend yourself. If you don’t, people take notice and will continue to test you the same. As I look back at those days on the Emerson elementary playground, I think about all the school yard tussles I had. It wasn’t many. I an only remember a few of them. I can’t remember what they were about but I could tell you how fared in each of those bouts. There were a few that stick out in my head. The only reason I remember them so well was because they were extremely violent. I wasn’t the only one having death matches in school either. Some of my friends back then were involved in some wars as well. Keep in mind; all of the stories are about elementary school kids. Let’s go back to one of the most violent years that I can remember. 1992.

Walter Vs. Jonathan

I don’t know what they didn’t like about each other but they had a pretty intense feud going on. The fight started on the playground when we were playing an extreme form of basketball called “nigga ball”. In “nigga ball”, if you missed a shot everyone on the court had to punch you until you reached a collectively pre-selected “base”. I decided to play this time. I knew Walter and Jonathan had beef, so I wanted to see what would happen if either one of them missed a shot. Walter missed first. Like an opportunist, Jonathan was the first to run up. Walter immediately ran for the “base”. Jonathan was able to catch Walter and delivered a hammer fist from hell to his back. You could feel the thud in the air. The blow was so hard Walter fell to the broken glass riddled pavement. Not only was he hit in the back viciously, he now had glass in his hands. Walter was so upset that he started to cry. No one touched him as he got up from the ground. He ran over to Jonathan who had already started running, Walter jumped in the air and delivered a jump kick to Walter’s back. Jonathan hit the ground and bounced right back up to defend himself. Fisticuffs ensued. We were at the North East side of the playground. There was hardly ever any supervision on this side. The two could battle without any interruption. It was hand to hand for about a good minute. Usually, when kids are fighting, all the other kids gather around and chant “Fight! Fight! Fight!”. The fights are then quickly broken up by a teacher or other adult. Not this time. We were all silent because this needed to happen. Everyone knew that Walter and Jonathan didn’t like one another.

Once the alarm sounded to signal the end of recess, Jonathan made a dash for Walter’s jacket for some reason. He grabbed it and ran as fast as he could. I didn’t get a chance to follow them because I went to go stand in line to go back to class. By the time we all went back to the classroom and sat down, Walter and Jonathan still hadn’t emerged. Next thing I know, Jonathan had run into the class room to seek refuge. He turned the corner out of the doorway to run for the teacher but Walter had grabbed the jacket which prohibited Jonathan from going any further because he was holding it in his hand. They struggled for the jacket. The teacher was demanding that they stop. Walter was able to snatch the Jacket from Jonathan. With just the sleeve of the jacket clinched in hand, Walter delivered 2 blows to Jonathan’s head. Jonathan stood the motionless. The whole classroom was silent. We starred in awe as blood poured from Jonathan’s face like a spike had been driven through the top of his head. The teacher grabbed both students and escorted them to the head office. I cannot remember what happened to them after that but that fight was a bloody violent mess indeed.

Anthony and Me Vs. Courtney and Antoine

Anthony was a chum of mine back in the days. He’s a tall, skinny, glasses wearing genius. Anthony, Endria Smith, Vanish Pope, and myself were in a group called the four intellectual souls. What can I say? We were gifted kids. Out of all of us, Anthony fit the description of your stereotypical schoolyard nerd. Of course, bullying ensued. He was frequently chastised by 2 goons named Antoine and Courtney. However, unlike the stereo typical nerd, Anthony would fight back. Viciously. I even remember Anthony using a book as projectile against a foes one time. He wasn't the type to just let you push him around, even if he was out numbered.

I remember one day we were lined up outside for some reason and the goons were bothering Anthony again. The teacher was in the office for some apparent reason, so we were outside in line unsupervised. It started with a shoving match. Then jackets and shirts were getting grabbed and pulled on. Anthony tried to defend himself with his backpack but it ended up ripping open with its contents flying everywhere rendering it useless. I couldn’t let them do my friend like that. I had to step in. I went for Antoine. It was now a fatal 4-way match. As we all fought, I became enraged for some reason. It may have been because I got a punch to the face which is a pet peeve of mine. I started to attack Antoine with extreme prejudice. I had managed to wrestle him to the ground. From there I grabbed his head and started to smash it on the ground and into the pole he was lying next to.
As I dwell on this now, I cannot imagine why I was so upset. I could have injured this kid permanently or worse killed him. As a matter of fact, why did we all react so violently? I believe it has to do with our environment but also the way men in general handle their physical disputes. Generally speaking, women usually fight to humiliate. Their fights usually consists of biting, scratching, hair pulling, and clothing destruction. Personally, I have never heard of a woman beating someone to death. I believe men fight for survival. It’s a hard wired instinct. When you combine that potential with a harsh environment, I believe the reaction can be many times worse. But how many life threatening altercations could a 10 year old have possibly been involved in to warrant such a hardened reaction? Slim to none. Home and family life plays a big role. Being immersed in an environment where domestic and gang violence is the norm can wear on a child. So these extreme acts of aggression may have been learned. It wasn’t our fault. Having these violent tendencies fit nicely into world of gang banging though. However, it doesn't have to. I didn't spend the rest of my life trying to kill people even though I almost tried to that day. I actually developed quite a thick skin. I don't know what would need to happen in order for me to react like that again. Just don't test me. I personally, don’t know what happened to Antoine, Courtney, and Jonathan. Walter ended up gang banging for some crip set. Anthony is now married with children. He now lives a non-violent peaceful life.

Improvise #2

Certain things you went without. Then there were things that you just ran out of. Hence the blog title "improvise"

you need a mint....

Wow you caught me off guard
She went to breath out
Then she made me cough hard
Contacted god and let him know to slip 2 in
Fine. How are you doing?
Can I get you a drink?
This one's a shoe in

Awkward situation that I'm on a mission to ruin
Her big butt and smile was like camo
Hit up the men's room, we need more ammo
Watch your 3 o'clock, a new recruit
That's her gin and Juicy Juice
Use a stick of Juicy Fruit
She just knew she was cute

It's in her own best interest
It's less stress
Hit her with the "do you need a mint test"
It don't matter if she's slim or dressed to impress
I won't rest
Fella's don't fess
Some of 'em just need to eat the whole thing of Crest

It's been a long day
It's just how the song say
I hope she don't take this the wrong way.......

You need a mint bitch...


inspired by...Operation lifesaver by Madvillian

Hood Misconceptions: "you're running up my light bill"

You know it well. Your grand parents would constantly tell you this. Whenever something was done in excess, this was what they would throw at you. Whether it was because you had a light on a little too long or if you brought your video games to their house. It almost seemed like everything ran up your grandparents electricity bill. Below I'll cover a few of the most common scenarios in which you may have experienced.


1. Watching too much TV

I don't know about you but whenever I was inside the house a little too much my grandmother would monitor my Tv activity. The best cartoons usually came on around 3:00pm in a 2 hour block. So that meant you were in the house watching tv instead of playing outside. I could never understand why it was such a big deal. Was my presence just annoying to my grandmother? Does electricity really cost that much that I can't watch goof troop at 4 pm? As kids you are taken advantage of. Adults would knowingly use excuses like these just to get you to comply with their demands. I couldn't possibly understand how it felt to pay an electricity bill. I could only go by what they told me. Me personally, I would never tell this to any kid because consciously I know that watching tv for 2 hours will not make your electricity bill sky rocket. I'd just simply say the tv needs to rest.

2. Having too many lights o

This is completely understandable. You don't necessarily want to have lights on that you are not using. However, my grandmother's house was scary at night. During the summer, my brother and I would go visit her in Pomona for weeks on end. At dinner time we would have to eat at the table in the kitchen. We'd have the lights on in the living room and the hall just to ease our minds while we would eat. Then my grandmother or grandfather would come and turn them all off. It would look like me and my bro were having a damn romantic dinner. Now we couldn't see what was going on in the hallway or the scary ass living room with that ultra graphic statue of Jesus hanging from the wall. I guess this was their way of having us man up. I'm not too sure. But I don't see an issue with leaving two lights on for like 30 extra minutes. No biggie. It was all about control though I believe. I'm sure they knew they were bullshitting us.

3. Miscellaneous

Didn't it just seem like No matter what you did, somehow you would inadvertently find a way to run up your grandparents light bill? Running in the house? "Stop running! You're gonna run up my light bill". Listening to a Walkman a little too much? "isn't that using my electricity ? No, grandma it's not. "well turn it off because I'm gonna have to buy you new batteries if those run out and I can't afford that because my light bill is so high". Oh really now?

Last but not least..…

4. Video Games

This one used to really get on my nerves. Old folks and video games never were a a good mix. My grand parents would HATE when we would bring our video games to their house. I don't know why they hated it so. Usually we could never hook it up to the living room tv. They believed that video game systems somehow had the tendency to break tvs. So when we would bring our nintendo over, miraculously they're tvs started to act up in someway afterward. Don't forget that playing video games have the potential to make your electricity bill go up about an extra $1000.00. Maybe they were jealous of the fun we were having? Probably. I think it was because old folks were intimidated by technology. they just didn't understand it